Corporis Voluptatis In Damnare*
14:06 Jul 23 2009
Times Read: 628
Okay, so I did it. I started the whole mentor thing just like they asked me to do. I am betting none of them even bother to accept the invitation now.
I like the way the Mentorship is set up (but what does Cancer do that I don't like). It is just like a coven/house only the members are automatically booted at 80 and can't be forced to enter. My second profile gets a mentor bonus and I have marked it as AMM. Cool, huh? Well, I think so...
Perhaps this will end most of the endless covens in favor of a more "politically correct" society. It gives the right-wingers a home and the left-wingers can still do their own thing too. I like it. It will give me some experience manipulating more pages, as well as more storage and room to post things.
I even like the fact that I learned how to link my two profile pages today, so I am in a great mood.
*[Latin]...Sensual Pleasures in Sentence.
(If I ever start a Coven I should call it: Voluptatis In Corporis Damnare...or P.S.S.-Post Sub-Script.) *wink*
Heart to Heart
08:02 Jul 01 2009
Times Read: 657
No, this post isn't about some stupid romantic attraction. I have very little use for (human; normal) society. They usually disgust, irritate and annoy me with the occasional amusement thrown in for good measure. Okay, if it isn't romance, why the title? Good question. It just 'felt' right to me. Do you ever feel something should be some particular way without knowing why? This is one of those things.
I am not in a great mood today. I haven't been in a great mood often for a very long time. VampireRave is one of the brief things that puts a little happiness in my heart. I haven't a clue why. I do not think I am a vampire. I don't know why people keep saying that I think this, but I never have. It isn't true.
I miss traveling. This is one of the things that is over-whelming me to the point of near depression. I miss seeing new things, breathing new air, and looking at new waters stretched out before me. I miss the differences in a person's accent and slang speech. I miss the different types of towns and fashions and foods. I miss everything about it. I even miss living out of a suitcase, for God's Sake. I miss not knowing everyone in town and them knowing me better than they think I know myself. I miss seeing miles and miles of road disappearing beneath the front of my transportation.
I am so tired of people being nice to me one second and hateful the next. I am tired of trying to figure out their issues with me. I am exhausted with the need to pretend that I like being a happy, talkative person in a wonderfully bright little world. I am just plain tired.
Bone weary with it...I know I am not getting enough protein in my diet, but I can't honestly give a rat's ass about it. I am scared I will get some stupid bacteria if I eat rare meat. I am not willing to pay the high prices for the stinking shit. I hate the smell of it cooking on a stove. I have no one to cook for me. The idea of eating meat I have had to smell as it cooks turns my stomach. I love meat, even rare meat. I can't eat it if I was the one to cook it. It stinks and the memory of that stench makes me sick, so I don't eat much meat anymore. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get tons of veggie proteins in your system a day? Impossible. Don' t try. I think it would be cheaper to buy the meat. So no protein and I am exhausted day in and day out...Not a good way to exist.
I am sick of headaches. Fed up with them. I am not into suicide, thank the Gods, because they are that annoying and frequent. I get them in sunlight. I get them from not eating. I get them from loud noises that don't go away for long periods of time. I get them when clients are talking non-stop and won't shut up no matter what you do. I get them when I am thirsty. I am always thirsty. A nurse friend thinks I am probably an undiagnosed diabetic. Did I mention that I hate doctors? They are stupid and try my last bit of patience on most days, so I don't go to them. Not a smart life decision, but my own. I will live or die with it, and be perfectly content with that. I have life insurance. Who cares what I do, or don't do? They benefit either way.
I am tired of swollen hands and swollen eyes. I am tired of my shoulder hurting every day when I wake up. I am tired of my kidneys complaining at me. Do I sound diabetic to you? Yeah, I caught that too...Shut up. I am not in the mood to discuss it.
I am tired of people treating me like I am twenty one second and then realizing I am over ten years older than that and treating me like I am much older than I am to make up for it. I am tired of never having enough money to do what I want or having the money and not having the time. I am tired of living the life someone believes I should instead of going to find the life I was born to lead. I don't know how to get there. I don't know where to start. I stay where I am because there isn't another road that looks appealing at the time.
I miss my old job, but only because I miss the states it took me to. The people sucked (with the exception of one (who called me a walkin', talkin', rottin' corpse I might add)). I didn't get along well with the men because they all thought I was cute and wanted to sleep with me. I am so not going into that. I told the guy who hired me I was gay so he wouldn't think I was out screwing the men on the crew. (As if I didn't have better things to be doing all day and night than getting sweaty with some unintelligent apes? I am offended. If one of them had been smarter, I might have.)
I miss the other old job too, but only because I miss the Army Depot. I miss the tanks and (wo)men in camo army issue clothing. I miss the barracks and cafeterias. I miss the atmosphere of being a 'civilian on base'. I miss knowing I had top clearance to get into places some of the army guys couldn't go into without a damn good excuse. I miss watching convoys rolling and tanks turning on a dime and all of the dark, beautiful freaking green. I even miss the stupid buffalo (base mascots). I didn't mind not traveling working there. I still did on the odd side jobs to various other cities, so I got my fix for it. I miss the bank on base too. The people were so nice and friendly and I knew them all. The stupid teller in this town hates my guts but I deal with her.
I don't miss the prejudice of being the only woman in a normally male job classification. I don't miss the rude comments about being a dike just because I could lift heavier objects than they (the big men) liked carrying about. Easy solution: they should have helped me instead of avoiding me. Not bright me, apparently. They created their own misery by thinking I would give up and go home just because I was a little girl and couldn't do it. Bullshit. Proved them wrong, but they refused to teach me the damn job. Hard to do a job you don't know, isn't it? Jerks...Not to mention the supervisor trying to blackmail me into sleeping with him or starving to death. Lovely people in the world today. I didn't. I would rather starve. I hate actually having sex with anyone. It is disgusting and disappointing and not worth my time. Wrong partners...Yes, I heard them all. Go away. I don't care. I am not in the market for new disappointments, no matter how good you think you are. I have a wild hair once every one to three years. If you are lucky, you will be there for it. Fat chance...lol.
COMMENTS
-